Archives for June, 2011
Posted by Ega » 11 Comments »
Part of being amazing in bed is figuring out how to squeeze as much joy and pleasure out of your sexual experiences as possible. Discovering exactly what you like and want in bed, and understanding how to go about getting it, is crucial to being a brilliant lover– and to having sex that makes you feel excited, joyful, and alive.
So, let’s break this process down into two major steps.
Step #1: Figure out what you like and want in bed, in this specific moment.
You won’t always want the same thing, and that’s perfectly okay. Desire is an ever shifting and changing thing; there’s no point in trying to pin it down in any permanent way. What you like on Monday, you might not like on Tuesday– or even on Monday afternoon. Know that what you want will depend on a multitude of things, and don’t try to rationalize or weasel out of this knowledge. You don’t have to tell anyone why you want what you want. You just have to know what you want.
It’s also important to grant your partner the same right to change his or her mind about what feels good, what he/she wants, and what he/she would rather not do. Be generous.
So, now, onto the business of knowing what you like, sexually. This can be trickier than it sounds, because of that whole thing about desire being a wily minx that’s hard to pin down for any real amount of time.
A way that I try to pin down what I actually like is to keep a sex log of sorts (more on that another day), where I list all the people I’ve slept with and what I liked and didn’t like about the experience. Porn is another thing that helps to narrow the field. Just pay attention to things you see in the world, in books and movies and real life, that get your heart racing. Keep track of these things somehow, whether it’s in a weird spreadsheet like me, or just in the back of your mind.
Once you’re pretty certain that you like something, saying it loud and proud is a good way to become comfortable with that bit of self knowledge. For example, I think Bill Clinton is endlessly sexy. Why? Well, because I think old dudes are hot, I think he’s devilishly smart and well-spoken, and the Starr report about his affair with Monica read like a smutty romance novel, which I loved. I know I’m in the minority here (as my mom likes to say, “He’s an old man! Where have I gone wrong in raising you?”), but you know what? I don’t care. I like his style, and declaring that out loud to the world helps me to look for other things and people who make me feel similarly.
My larger point about Bill Clinton is that it’s okay to like things, sexually, that you might think are embarrassing, filthy, or just plain weird. As long as enacting your fantasy won’t hurt you or anyone else (emotionally or physically) and you have the full consent of any parties involved, I say go for it. Life is short; there’s no time for shame or embarrassment. Like I said before, desire is a weird, shifty little bastard, and there’s no point in running away from it.
If you don’t know what you want, you’ll never get it. The same thing goes if you don’t accept what you want. If you can’t come to terms with your desires and embrace them as a part of you, you’re not going to be able to get what you want out of sex. So, do the work. Get to know yourself and what you want, and allow yourself to want it.
Step #2: Ask for it.
So, now you know what you want. Wonderful! This is a huge step, and one that takes most of us years upon years of chasing our tails to figure out (it is also, surprisingly, something that comes upon us quite quickly when we allow ourselves to speak it aloud). Now, all you have to do is ask for it.
If the person you’re sleeping with is already doing it, but you’d like more, the best thing to do is be really vocal about how much you like it. He or she will get the message and respond in turn.
If the person you’re sleeping with isn’t doing what you want, but is sort of close, a simple directive of, “I really like it when you________, and I really want to try ________” will do. If you’re a dirty talking master, this is a good time to break out your dirtiest talk. If dirty talk makes you squeamish, you can beat around the bush a little. Trust me, as soon as the words, “I really want to try,” come out of your mouth, your partner’s ears will perk up and he or she will be completely engaged in the conversation.
If you’re sleeping with someone on a regular basis or you’re in a relationship, I think it’s a good practice to ask your partner every month or so if there’s something he/she would like to try that you haven’t yet, or if there’s something he/she wants to do more or less of. Doing Gift Seat is a good way to get at this, if you’re uncomfortable bringing it up directly. It’s also fair game, during pillow talk, to ask, “Did you like _____?” That’s a smooth opener for this kind of frank sexual conversation.
The primary thing in asking for what you want in bed is to sandwich your request in between positive feedback about things you absolutely love about having sex with your partner. This ensures that he or she will actually listen, rather than getting defensive.
So, let’s review. In order to get what you want in bed, you must 1) Figure out exactly what it is you want, and 2) Ask for it.
I suppose the sneaky third rule is that you must be sleeping with a person who is interested in pleasing you and giving you what you want– and if you aren’t, I think you know exactly what to do.
Posted by Ega » 2 Comments »
A weird thing about growing up that no one ever tells you is that, as you get older and become more and more you, your friendships start to stretch and pull in different directions. Some of them snap right off.
It’s disconcerting, really, to watch your pool of close friends shrink from year to year. Of course, another weird thing that happens as you get older is that you keep realizing that you never quite understood what friendship was, until now.
Back in high school, a close friend was someone who invited you to their birthday parties with regularity, told you all the good gossip, and could be trusted not to tell their parents that you were smoking pot in a public park. In college, a close friend was someone who didn’t get too preachy about skipping class or sleeping with idiots, and didn’t abandon you when he or she got too drunk.
That’s not to devalue the close friendships I’ve forged over the years; they were– and are– real and deep and meaningful. It’s just that the criteria upon which a lot of them were based no longer applies. As you become an adult (or move in that direction, at least), the deeper stuff takes over.
People who simply like the same bars as you become relegated to casual friends if there’s not something more meaningful there. A friend who tells you all the good gossip and shares the same ideas about the world as you becomes something nearer to the heart. It’s almost like close friends cease to exist; as you grow older, your close friends either become best friends or casual friends.
The criteria for a best friend has always been the same: someone who loves and celebrates you for exactly who you are, picks up the pieces when you are a hot damn mess, and sticks around. That’s the thing about best friends: you get to grow and change and become more you, and they’ll still be there– because that shit runs deep.
But close friends. Close friends will break your heart. After years of laughing and hanging out, you’ll suddenly realize that this nagging little piece of them (say, their vague snobbery or racism) that didn’t seem like such a big deal has become completely untenable: a reason to relegate them from close to casual. Maybe we just become less tolerant as we grow up, or less charmed by crazy people. Maybe we just learn to want simpler things.
It turns out that most of what you’ve forged over the years, inevitably, are close friendships, and so there’s nothing to do but watch them morph into something else. Every time the shift from close to casual takes place you feel a real loss, one you end up grieving in the strangest of ways, with a sentimental gchat message or crying in the bathroom of your favorite bar– the one you once stumbled around in, laughing and tipsy, together.
It’s not that there’s anything so wrong with casual friendships. They can be wonderful, joyful things that make life a few hundred shades brighter. It’s just the paradigm shift that hurts– lowering your expectations, setting your boundaries, and stepping back.
As you get older, closeness takes on a whole new depth. I guess it makes sense, since we’re constantly amassing experiences, that it becomes harder and harder to truly share ourselves with others. There’s more of us to handle; fewer people are up for the job. Those people, though, the ones who are up to the job, are priceless– and you realize this more and more as you continue to truck towards adulthood.
I guess that’s the silver lining of all of these rapidly firing changes in friendships: the ones who stay the same. The people who you don’t see for years, whose lives change tremendously just like yours, and with whom you can pick right up as though you’d been shooting the shit just yesterday. You appreciate them more.
You realize how rare it is to really be known by another person—and not just to be known, but to be accepted. You thank your lucky stars. You marvel at the fact that you have people in your life who know that the Andy Milonakis theme song is a crucial part of your internal monologue, that you’re sometimes too shy to ask the person behind the deli counter for the fresh bread, that you’re completely crushed by your dog’s death (and how to make you feel better), and that a new book is the quickest way to your heart.
You say thank you.
That’s kind of all you can do.
[image via flickr.]
Holy Moses, that was so long! Doesn’t it make you want to limit me to 140 characters? Follow me on twitter.
Posted by Ega » 1 Comment »
Recently, I realized that, as much as being open is deeply important, in order to define your boundaries and preserve your integrity, sometimes you just have to say no.
I hate saying no; it makes me feel guilty and rude, even if what I’m declining is something as simple as dinner plans. Unfortunately, being able to say no is a necessary skill if one intends to preserve a sense of self and move through the world with integrity. I intend to do both– and hopefully you do, too.
So, here’s how to do it:
1. Decide, without a doubt, that saying no is the right thing to do.
- Consult your gut (and your shut it down alerts).
- Make sure that you’re saying no for the right reasons.
- Make sure that your refusal isn’t totally screwing anyone over (or, if it is, that it’s justified).
- Decide if you will be able to honestly stand by your judgment if it’s called into question– without resorting to defensiveness or excuses. If so, do it. If not, take more time to think.
- Make a pro/con list if you’re really stumped.
- Know that you don’t have to have any tangible reason to say no. You are not required to defend your choices to anyone but yourself. This is your life.
2. Say no.
- Be firm and confident.
- Explain yourself briefly, but don’t make excuses. Don’t give away too much unsolicited information, either. Say exactly what needs to be said and no more.
- If you feel the need to apologize, apologize ONE TIME, sincerely. Do not apologize more than once.
- Ask for help if you need it, by saying “This is really hard for me, but I need to say no because…” It’s okay to admit that you have trouble saying no.
3. Offer a solution if you’re greatly inconveniencing someone.
- If you can see (using your own judgment, not the guilt of the other party, as a guide) that your refusal might cause problems, offer to make it right in whatever way you can. For example: If you cancel your RSVP to a concert, leaving your ticket unpaid-for, please do pay for it; If you refuse to babysit an ex-boyfriend’s baby for sanity reasons, suggest an alternate babysitter.
- Take responsibility for your actions and judgments.
4. Turn it loose, refuse to feel guilty, and move on.
- Don’t dwell on it or worry what the other party might think of you. (This is the hardest part for me.)
- Remember that the people worth having in your life will respect your boundaries, and won’t make you feel guilty for doing what’s best for you.
And there you have it. In order to say yes, you have to know when to say no. So go, be free, and say no!
Posted by Ega » Add Comment »
This is the desk that I assembled with my bare hands using nothing but blood, sweat, and a growth mindset. No, just kidding. There were tears in there, too, when I thought I’d spent an hour installing the drawer upside-down. I frantically called in my roommates to talk me off a ledge and rescue me from my fate of eternally screwing and un-screwing things into these six, uncooperative pieces of wood. It turned out I hadn’t installed it upside-down, after all.
Having a growth mindset is hard, but I somehow managed to successfully build this desk, which is something I wouldn’t have even attempted to do on my own a few months ago (diagrams aren’t really my thing– but when you decide to be growth-oriented, you stop being able to say that anything isn’t your thing).
So, this desk has sprung out of my growth mindset, and now it holds all of my hard work and goals and hopes. Sort of. Mostly it holds coffee.
It also holds my daily action steps and a candle that I light while I work (in an attempt to ritualize ordinary things).
When I sit at my desk, I stare at Georgia O’Keefe’s naked breasts, as photographed by Alfred Stieglitz.
Those are some inspiring nips.
I also look at Lady Gaga…
…who is also rocking some pretty amazing nips. Maybe I need to stare at boobs in order to be productive. That seems entirely possible.
Sometimes, I also see this.
…which inspires me to abandon all work and snuggle instead. Can you blame me?
Now you know what the world looks like from where I’m sitting: some famous boobs and a fat cat.
Apologies for the terrible quality of the photos. I’m not much of a photographer, but I’m working on it, growth-mindset style. In fact, when I asked my roommate if I could use his camera to take pictures of my desk, he was so surprised at the request that he asked me if by “desk” I really meant “vagina.” Nope.
Posted by Ega » 3 Comments »
Coming out as a writer of a blog to people you’re dating is awkward. It’s even more awkward when you blog about dating.
It’s like, when do you feel comfortable enough around someone to let them know that you sleep with people on the first date, never fake O’s, just finished up with a messy break-up, are amazing in bed, have a long list of shut it down alerts, and sometimes don’t carry condoms? Never, that’s when. So, maybe being comfortable isn’t the thing to strive for.
A guy I slept with once found this blog, and told me that he liked it because it showed that I’m “not a stereotype.” I did not love that.
Recently, I met a guy online, told him almost instantly about this space, and even linked him to it. He responded excitedly, which made me feel relieved and accepted. I don’t even really know if I like this person yet, but I like the way he interacted with the thoughts I’ve flung out into the world, which makes me like him more.
I’ve decided to suck it up and tell people when I meet them that I write a blog about sex and dating (and self-discovery, but that’s less inflammatory). I don’t see the point in hiding it; I think it makes me all the more fabulous and dateable. I mean, who wouldn’t want to date someone who picks apart her dating life piece by piece for the viewing of the general public?
I got a hostile e-mail yesterday about the contents of this blog from someone I went on a date with once. The person in question didn’t follow through, so I shut things down after lingering a little bit too long (and making an ill-advised booty call in the process). The gist of the e-mail was that he objected to my telling of the story, which he thought was “in bad taste” and “unnecessarily jerky.” He also insisted that I was being dishonest and “disingenuous” by not taking things up directly with him, but posting a “joke at [his] expense” here instead (as though I had written about it to address him directly and scold him for his behavior).
Ah, there it is: the part of writing a dating blog that makes me kind of uneasy. I write about stuff that happens to me, and that stuff often involves other people. And, there’s a chance that these people might read what I’ve written about them here. How do I write about my experiences with people while making it clear that what I’m really interested in discussing is the experience, not the specific person? How, too, do I say what I need to say without worrying about how people might perceive it?
I guess the answer is to just say it and let the chips fall where they may. To be too concerned with how what I say might sound leads to writing to please other people, which leads to a wide, deep abyss of integrity. To speak about my experiences in any real way, I have to implicate other people, however gently or anonymously, and so I might as well just make sure that I’m saying what needs to be said.
As my friend J said, riffing on Joan Didion’s brilliant essay “On Self Respect,” “Self-respect is trusting your judgment and living with it.” People who write publicly about their experiences do this constantly, as they release their thoughts out into the world and try not to be knocked off balance by what comes back.
All you can do is say it loud, say it proud, and trust yourself to do it right.
UPDATE: From the desk of Seth Godin, “If the goal is no feedback, then say nothing…If the goal is to communicate, then say what you mean.”
I am beyond interested in what you all have to say about this– especially those of you who write things on the internet (or in –gasp– print) about your lives . I want to know how you tell people about your writing, how they react, how you decide what’s fair game to say and what’s not, and how much you defend or apologize for your choices. I want to know how you preserve your integrity while also respecting the privacy and dignity of the people you know and encounter. So, please, chime in!
Posted by Ega » 1 Comment »
By now, you’ve all heard the wonderful news: New York has legalized same-sex marriage!
Last night, I found myself in a Brooklyn bar that erupted in cheers and applause and high-fives upon finding out. It was a beautiful moment– there was so much hope. It reminded me of the 2008 Presidential election (which I also celebrated in a Brooklyn bar– not that I drink too much). Both moments felt like huge, game-changing steps in a direction we’ve all been dying to go for a long time. It was thrilling.
I hope every single state gets its act together and does the same thing– because everyone deserves to get married, if that’s what they want to do.
We all want to be treated with equality and respect under the law– but we don’t all necessarily want to get married. Some of us do, some of us don’t, and that’s fine. I strongly believe that there are tons of ways to live a happy life, and that not all of them involve getting married and having babies. What I have trouble with is this: The gay rights movement in the U.S. is so focused on marriage that it seems assume– even insist– that everyone wants to (or should want to) get married. In insisting this, it also implies that getting married is somehow the primary route to equality.
And so, I have to say this: Marriage for all does not necessarily equality make. There are still endless ways in which people are discriminated against because of their gender identities and sexual orientations. The ability to marry, while a huge step in granting LGBTQ people the rights they deserve, isn’t the pinnacle of equality that liberals and conservatives alike are insisting it is.
The thing about marriage is that it’s a pretty restrictive and privileged institution, and one that facilitates government regulation of sexuality and gender identity. I mean, why is health insurance tied up in marriage? Why do we get tax benefits for marrying? Why do we as a country insist that relationships be confined to the form of traditional marriage in order for them to be recognized by the state? It’s time that we acknowledge that marriage isn’t the only form of legitimate relationship out there– and it’s not the only basis for a loving family.
Marriage is one choice among a billion other choices we can make in our lives. In making marriage the central issue of the gay rights movement, we’re presenting it as THE choice– not only for gay people, but for all people. We’re taking a conservative institution, one that seeks to enforce normativity, and insisting that it’s something progressive, and even radical. Not only are we insisting that the drive towards marriage and normativity is progressive, but we’re going so far as to call it a source of equality. So, if you want to really exercise your rights as a citizen, you’d better get to marrying– because right now, that’s presented as the only route for LGBTQ people to be seen as legitimate, fully equal members of society.
As my friend J said, hitting the nail directly on the head, “Gay rights should be about respecting the possibility of a different kind of life. A focus on marriage is the exact opposite of that; it’s a focus on assimilating.”
Someone decided that marriage was going to be the focal point of the gay rights movement in the United States for the foreseeable future. My point is that they might have chosen differently. We need to widen the discourse. We can’t let equality be synonymous with marriage.
There’s a pretty solid movement going on around this at BeyondMarriage.org. Because they state it much more clearly and intelligently than I ever could, here’s their Executive Summary:
The time has come to reframe the narrow terms of the marriage debate in the United States. Conservatives are seeking to enshrine discrimination in the U.S. Constitution through the Federal Marriage Amendment. But their opposition to same-sex marriage is only one part of a broader pro-marriage, “family values” agenda that includes abstinence-only sex education, stringent divorce laws, coercive marriage promotion policies directed toward women on welfare, and attacks on reproductive freedom. Moreover, a thirty-year political assault on the social safety net has left households with more burdens and constraints and fewer resources.
Meanwhile, the LGBT movement has recently focused on marriage equality as a stand-alone issue. While this strategy may secure rights and benefits for some LGBT families, it has left us isolated and vulnerable to a virulent backlash. We must respond to the full scope of the conservative marriage agenda by building alliances across issues and constituencies. Our strategies must be visionary, creative, and practical to counter the right’s powerful and effective use of marriage as a “wedge” issue that pits one group against another. The struggle for marriage rights should be part of a larger effort to strengthen the stability and security of diverse households and families. To that end, we advocate:
Ø Legal recognition for a wide range of relationships, households and families – regardless of kinship or conjugal status.
Ø Access for all, regardless of marital or citizenship status, to vital government support programs including but not limited to health care, housing, Social Security and pension plans, disaster recovery assistance, unemployment insurance and welfare assistance.
Ø Separation of church and state in all matters, including regulation and recognition of relationships, households and families.
Ø Freedom from state regulation of our sexual lives and gender choices, identities and expression.
Marriage is not the only worthy form of family or relationship, and it should not be legally and economically privileged above all others. A majority of people – whatever their sexual and gender identities – do not live in traditional nuclear families. They stand to gain from alternative forms of household recognition beyond one-size-fits-all marriage. For example:
· Single parent households
· Senior citizens living together and serving as each other’s caregivers (think Golden Girls)
· Blended and extended families
· Children being raised in multiple households or by unmarried parents
· Adult children living with and caring for their pmarents
· Senior citizens who are the primary caregivers to their grandchildren or other relatives
· Close friends or siblings living in non-conjugal relationships and serving as each other’s primary support and caregivers
· Households in which there is more than one conjugal partner
· Care-giving relationships that provide support to those living with extended illness such as HIV/AIDS.
The current debate over marriage, same-sex and otherwise, ignores the needs and desires of so many in a nation where household diversity is the demographic norm. We seek to reframe this debate. Our call speaks to the widespread hunger for authentic and just community in ways that are both pragmatic and visionary. It follows in the best tradition of the progressive LGBT movement, which invented alternative legal statuses such as domestic partnership and reciprocal beneficiary. We seek to build on these historic accomplishments by continuing to diversify and democratize partnership and household recognition. We advocate the expansion of existing legal statuses, social services and benefits to support the needs of all our households.
I’m truly delighted that we’re moving towards a time when everyone can marry whomever they please. I’m deeply thrilled for all of my friends who have been dying to get married, and are now able to do so. I think it’s wonderful. I just think there’s quite a bit more work to be done.
What do y’all think? Are you ready to look beyond marriage?
You can read my last Getting Political piece here: Getting Political: On Rape.
Posted by Ega » 3 Comments »
Today, I’m going to offer up a completely unsolicited piece of advice (I mean, that’s what this blog is really about anyway, isn’t it?)—and, unlike everything else I’ve ever written for you, it’s going to be short and sweet (that is explicitly not what this blog is really about).
Look, I see you all out there in the world, struggling to be yourselves while also trying to be people who will attract other people. I get it. I’m the same way. We all fancy ourselves to be special little flowers, while simultaneously fearing that we’re actually not all that intriguing or unique or likeable. It’s stressful, all of this wondering if we’re as cool and interesting as we think we are.
Enough of this. Enough.
You are, each and every one of you, devastatingly, amazingly interesting. I’m dead serious. You just have to believe this, cultivate your fascinating self, and then unleash it to the world, with no apologies or regrets.
This is not turning out to be that short and sweet. So, let me just tell you the piece of advice already and shut my pie hole! It goes like this.
How to be interesting:
- Be interested.
…in the person you’re talking to, the world around you, the parts of the world that are nowhere near you, stuff that gets you excited, stuff that confuses you, and stuff that makes you feel something.
This involves asking a lot of questions, and compiling a lot of knowledge. More questions than knowledge. This involves reading and watching and listening and reflecting. It may involve obsessing. But if you are genuinely interested, you’ll be genuinely interesting.
[Image via flickr.]
Posted by Ega » 7 Comments »
Here’s a little secret about me: I believe that the universe picks up on the energy we put out and sends it right back to us.
Yeah, I said it. That’s how I think the world works. (You can call me deluded, it’s okay. We’ll still be friends.)
This isn’t to say that you create or deserve everything that comes your way, but I do think that your energy and attitude play a big role in what you manifest in your life. It’s just karma, basically. What you put out is what you get back.
I try to be super mindful of the energy I’m sending out into the world, which usually involves trying to keep my desk rage to a minimum and stop cursing the names of boys who have done me wrong. It’s a daily struggle.
When I want something, I try my darnedest to make sure that the universe sees how wide open and ready to receive it I am. Recently, the thing I’ve desperately wanted from the universe is a job. (Let me be perfectly honest: I have a pretty awesome job, but it doesn’t pay me nearly enough to be sustainable.) So, for the past few months, I’ve been hitting the universe hard with my positive energy and openness to all possibilities thrown my way. I’ve been applying and interviewing like a lunatic, all with the idea of sending out vibes that I’m open, ready, and willing so that the universe will reward me with the perfect job.
It hasn’t exactly worked out that way. Instead, I’ve wasted hours upon hours prepping, researching, and doing assignments for positions I didn’t even want, all in the name of the universe. It’s been frustrating. It’s been a misuse of time and energy and good vibes.
Last week, I was invited to interview for yet another horrible-sounding job. I immediately said yes– you know, because of being open and karma and the universe. I mean, the universe isn’t just going to plunk an amazing job down in the lap of someone who turns her nose up at a perfectly good interview.
All week, I dreaded the interview, but I kept telling myself that I needed to put forth some job-wanting energy. And then the day of the interview came, and I finally said %!@# it, and canceled it.*
Here’s why: There is such a thing as being too open; it’s called being indiscriminate. I’m all for saying yes and having positive energy, but having a sense of self means drawing the line somewhere and not blindly accepting everything that comes your way. It means being strategically open and focusing your energy. It means having standards. Sometimes, it means saying no. You have to close yourself off to the possibilities that really aren’t for you in order to be able to fully open yourself to the things you really want.
I believe the universe rewards us for being open and for showing up. But I also know that I can’t show up for every single thing out there and still have any sense of integrity. I’m ready and willing, but I also know what I’m ready and willing to accept– and what I’m not. To know that and stick with it is to value yourself immensely, and if you value yourself like that, the universe will respond in turn.
It’s a delicate balance you have to strike here. You have to have a growth mindset (oh, trust me, you have to), but you also can’t just be an empty vessel for any and all experience in the name of growth. You have to be discerning. It’s like knowing where you want to grow, and where you’re happy to stay the same. It’s boundaries, mostly. It’s selective openness. It’s knowing yourself. And it applies to everything.
It’s like that saying, beggars can’t be choosers. Ain’t nobody here a beggar. We all have a choice.
*Let it be known that I went to happy hour instead.
[image via flickr.]
Posted by Ega » 2 Comments »
Dear Lovers and Friends,
I’ve been crazy sick these past few days, and although it’s been suggested that I write a snappy post or two about having sex while sick (Thank you, E), I haven’t been able to muster the strength to think, let alone get anything up here for you guys.
Luckily, my regimen of antibiotics, ibuprofen, soup, and popsicles (with the occasional fudgsicle and orange juice thrown in there) is healing me, slowly but surely. We’ll be back to our regularly scheduled programming starting tomorrow.
Thanks for sticking around!
Posted by Ega » Add Comment »
If you’d like to decline a booty call, a simple “No, thank you,” will do. There’s absolutely no need to provide an explanation, especially one like, “Bad timing. I just finished watching porn.” Come on. Keep it classy.